I am on my way to becoming a certified Hypnotherapist. In doing so I have had to experience being the client and I have to say this is one of the best things I have ever experienced. While exploring myself through hypnotism a huge challenge presented itself to me in my marriage. It was no accident that I was learning about myself and had this challenge at the same time.
I was born and raised in Queens, NY. My husband was born and raised in India. He arrived in NY when he was 19. I met him when he was 29. Even though he was here for 10 years he was still deeply rooted to his culture. Being married is already a challenge this day and age, now add to the fact that we grew up in totally different circumstances and countries adds to this. We are however deeply in love and worked hard through a lot of these challenges.
I did not realize that I had been in a "rut", not moving forward or backward just staying in the same place. I became too complacent and therefore not very productive, nor was I moving toward my spiritual goals. Now that I can look back, it was kind of like being a robot, same routine everyday, just going through the motions.
My husband came to me and told me he was not happy. That was a punch in the face. I won't go into too much detail but my marriage was on the verge of divorce, all in the blink of an eye from my prospective. After going through the anger, blaming, self destructive thoughts, victim syndrome and all other emotions we go through, I was finally able to look at my marriage and my life and see many things that could be better. It was not one of those "why don't I do this better, or why am I not better at this." It was more like, "Ok, I know I need to grow to achieve my goals in this life."
I had a choice. After the meltdown of hearing my husband say he wasn't happy in this marriage anymore, I had two choices.
1.) For me the easiest one, deny I did anything to contribute to the failing of this marriage and accept that we would eventually divorce or
2.) really listen to what he had to say and decide what to do with this information.
I chose the 2nd option, but here's the clincher. I don't think I could have handled this half as well if I did not go through hypnosis. During hypnosis I was able to see, feel and experience my inner me, the subconcious me. I was able release a lot of hurt from my childhood, and realize I had so much more potential if I just give myself the chance, but all the hurt and pain and blame I have been holding onto for so long was getting in the way.
We all know it takes two to be happy in a marriage so I had a few things to tell him about that made me unhappy and I also told him that I heard what he was saying and that we should try to make things better before calling it quits. So this is what we are doing.
Right now my husband is in India, he is sleeping as it is 8:30pm over there. Neither he nor I know how long he will be gone. His return ticket is scheduled for March 10, 2009. He is not sure he can stay in India that long. The point is that I have realized that right now I am going to do me. I have to be happy with myself and do what I want to do, not do what makes everyone else happy. This time apart for both of us is difficult, but also necessary. I would not be able to take this time for myself if he was here. This is the 2nd part of the challenge for me. I really need to make this time apart count, to develop MYSELF more, the more whole I am as a person will contribute to a happier marriage and being a better mother.
It will be one week tomorrow since he left and right now I am proud of myself with all that I have accomplished in that time. There are many moments of self doubt but I am able to push that aside majority of the time. I still have a long way to go but my outlook is positive where as before my hypnosis sessions it would have been negative ie: "I can't do this" type of thoughts.
So when those challenges slap you in the face, step back for a moment and think about what it is you are supposed to learn from it. At this time my marriage in intact BUT we both have to keep it that way and moving forward with our individual growth is important for that to happen!
I am really grateful to my husband for coming to me and talking to me about it. I just wish he had done it sooner, but everything happens for a reason. I needed this shock to get the message.
